So I've been waiting to write anything about my trip to Sudan until my lightheadedness went away. I have been waiting for almost a month now. Today, however, I feel surprisingly optimistic (yet still lightheaded); maybe it is because the sun is shining outside. Anyway, the past month has been one of the hardest times of my life.
I've been trying all sorts of remedies to get better and even the doctors cannot figure out what is wrong with me. Every moment of the day is a battle to stay positive; a battle I often lose. The past few days I feel like I have been giving up hope of ever getting better.
Often times I feel trapped. I can't get my head out of this fog for even a minute so my entire reality begins to feel like a cage that I am stuck inside. The fear is slowly creeping into my subconscious and giving me nightmares. I've dreamed I was in a coma- trying to wake up was impossible- so I laid in bed asleep thinking I had literally entered into a coma. Dreams of dying never seemed so pleasant after that dream.
I read about detoxing my body and even implemented some aspects of it. One website was all about keeping a positive attitude so I've been watching lighthearted movies keep my mind off all of this. In one of the movies I watched, a character was asked how long ago he had lost his mind. The character responded, "About three months. I woke up one morning married to a pineapple...an ugly pineapple. But I love her."
I hope I don't wake up tomorrow morning cuddled next to pineapple.
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